The child does not want to see his father: what to do?

When a son or daughter refuses to communicate with one of the parents, try to restore the relationship. This connection is necessary for the child to maintain his own internal integrity.

Когда ребенок разведенных супругов отказывается видеться с тем из родителей, с которым не живет (чаще с отцом), взрослые нередко теряются. What’s happening?

Perhaps in this way he tries to support the abandoned parent, especially if he sees how he suffers. He may be afraid to be alone with such a “terrible” person – if they scold the departed and represent the monster in the family.

A child under 10-12 years old can feel like a “betraying” mother if he wants to see his father, and even spend time with him well. Sometimes adolescents begin to manipulate adults, trying to act in their interests.

If one parent, for example, is too hard, the child has a temptation to settle with another, which allows. For this purpose, various arguments are composed: “It is impossible to live with her, she is unhappy with everyone”;”He is not at all interested in me” ..

Perhaps the child had the experience of unsafe relations with his parent, and now he is afraid to stay alone with him

To exclude the situation of violence, incest, be attentive to the child’s words, find out the opinion of close friends to check the reality of the threat and, if necessary, ensure security for him.

The situation is

complicated in that it affects the personal experiences of adults who have broken relationships. A mother who feels offended will perceive the child’s refusal to see his father most likely with satisfaction. And it will be – often unconsciously – to support it in this decision.

But the child feels himself a continuation of two people, father and mother, and if he is not allowed to love one of them, he can feel herself split in two. It is important for children to have a positive idea of both parents: to be a son or daughter of a “traitor” or “fool” and at the same time feel confident, successful, good – impossible.

The world of the child after parting parents has changed, both are responsible for this – it means that both have to find out the true motivation of the child (does he feel the rejected by the stepmother or stepfather; is the father too demanding is not too demanding. ) and think together how to maintain contact with him. Parents who are difficult to communicate with each other will help a mediator or a family psychologist.